Falling: Emerge

“Emerge” is a series of figure drawings that depict the long treatment process that began upon receiving a diagnosis. At the height of my depression, I was so deeply buried by the emotions that I could not separate myself from the disease. During treatment, the depression gradually began to fade away. As the emotions slowly left, I started being able to see myself clearly for the first time in my life. Contrary to my prior concerns about treatment, I felt more like myself than I ever had before. These drawings show this simultaneous process of the depression leaving as my true self emerges.

Even with ongoing treatment, improvements do not happen in a linear way. The process is unpredictable, continuous, and never ending. At times the emotions subside, on other days the depression is almost gone and occasionally it comes back in full force. Even on my best days, the depression is always there to some degree. For this reason, the anguished figures in these drawings never completely disappear. These emotions will always be with me in some capacity for the rest of my life.

These drawings are created on Dura-Lar, which has been sanded by hand to create a textured, translucent surface. I smear tacky, thick etching ink onto the Dura-Lar with my hands. After the etching ink dries, I add more definition with lithographic crayons, and scrape away highlights with an x-acto knife. Each portrait measures 48″ x 36.”

The monotypes measure 24″ x 18″ and are printed on white Rives BFK paper. The figure sketches are drawn on 12″ x 9″ white charcoal paper with lithographic rubbing ink and a white plastic eraser.